Andrey Kurpatov
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is not by chance that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what? There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, at the appointment with a psychotherapist, there is a full house, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to "faith and truth" live with yourself, the second half - how to "happily ever after" live with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, there are specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, with insomnia), others found depression in themselves and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down , and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
So these books appeared, these “express consultations” on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. And I called a series of these books - "Express Consultation". I hope they will be useful to my readers, at least for my patients, the “help” outlined in them comes in very, very handy. However, I do not think that these "express consultations" can completely replace the "Pocket Psychotherapist". In order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the entire “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life.
In conclusion of this preface, I want to thank all my patients who took part in the creation of this book, as well as the staff of the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, in which I have the pleasure of working.
Yours sincerely
Andrey Kurpatov
Introduction.
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time “incurable” disease, how many people are afraid of “open space”, how many are “closed”, etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that what matters is not how much is counted, but how it is counted is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “If only something doesn’t work out”, “Will they think of something such" and "how it will look like" (I will tell you in secret that everyone who doesn't think are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things with each other and completely incompatible.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into hardened ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find a remedy against them.
The main danger in this life is people who want to change everything - or change nothing.
Nancy Astor
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter 1. Fear - what it is.
When I ask, “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people answer “Yes” at first. Then, as soon as I talk about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “Yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Without these circumstances, we simply did not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in the lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do a lot, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification.
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is incapable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
Here is the e-book Remedy for fear the author whose name is Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich.
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Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
Express consultation C
"The remedy for fear": Neva; 2003
annotation
A truly happy life is a life free from fear. To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. You only need to know how it arises with us, where it “hides” and how to “smoke” it from there. This book will reveal to you the nature of your fears and teach you how to overcome them.
The author of the book is Andrei Kurpatov, a unique and authoritative specialist, head of the St. Petersburg City Psychotherapeutic Center, psychotherapist at the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, member of the Baltic Pedagogical Academy. His books, written in easy language, captivating, full of humor, self-irony, with exceptional content, inevitably become bestsellers. Everything he writes is not only interesting, but most importantly, it is important and practical.
Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language – we speak, write, “read with a dictionary”, so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the “mandatory educational standard”. Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what? There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, there are specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, with insomnia), others found depression in themselves and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down , and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
So these books appeared, these “express consultations” on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. And I called a series of these books - "Express Consultation". I hope they will be useful to my readers, at least for my patients, the “help” outlined in them comes in very, very handy. However, I do not think that these "express consultations" can completely replace the "Pocket Psychotherapist". In order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the entire “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life.
In conclusion of this preface, I want to thank all my patients who took part in the creation of this book, as well as the staff of the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, in which I have the pleasure of working.
Yours sincerely
Andrey Kurpatov
Introduction.
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t happen”, “won’t they think something like that” and “how it will look (I’ll tell you in secret that everyone who doesn’t think so is already sitting in the “yellow houses”, scattered in abundance across the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into hardened ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find a remedy against them.
The main danger in this life is people who want to change everything - or change nothing.
Nancy Astor
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter 1. Fear - what it is.
When I ask, “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people answer “Yes” at first. Then, as soon as I talk about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “Yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Without these circumstances, we simply did not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in the lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do a lot, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification.
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is incapable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function of a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least, I want to believe in this). We are able to assess this or that situation with the help of our knowledge and logic, calculate the options and understand how we should act in order to achieve what we want. And here the first difficulty arises: it turns out that two subjects at once are responsible for the same function in our psyche - fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It is good if they agree on this or that situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says, “Run! Run away! Save yourself!", and at the same moment, common sense reassures: "Yes, it's okay! Do not worry it's okay! You are not in danger!" And what would you do in such a situation? Involuntarily, you will remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because there are real swan, cancer and pike, and in our personal performance! The constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now difficulty number two. What does the said hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let's think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, is it of much use to our psychic apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation considers important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (namely, this is what our instinct for self-preservation occupies) will be revealed by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now beckon us. What gave us displeasure, on the contrary, will frighten us later.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And wouldn't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to pursue it? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble is waiting for you. Yes, not without reason did King Solomon say: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”.
Compared to us, any animal has no problems at all - a few questions, but he does not know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. But we, being reasonable and remembering beings, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want to, and prick, and my mother does not order ...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I want to fly there necessary, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare does not need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want others to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always not enough, always not enough), and therefore fear arises that someday I will be completely alone - without help and approval. Will such stupidity come to the hare's head?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable person” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already told in the book “With a Neurosis in Life”, our instinct for self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct for self-preservation of life, the instinct for self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct for self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find a consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our life in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that physical survival can be limited, but you go explain it to our subconscious ... He has these three "Arkharovtsy" operating there and conflicting with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other hand, threatens to turn into a conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it's scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer honor scratched me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this "contentment". In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears.
It would be great if the book Remedy for fear author Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich give you what you want!
If so, then I would recommend this book. Remedy for fear to your friends by setting a link to this page with the book: Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich - A remedy for fear.
Page keywords: remedy for fear; Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich, download, free, read, book, electronic, online
Here is the e-book Remedy for fear author Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich. In the library site you can download for free the book Remedy for Fear in TXT (RTF) format, or in FB2 (EPUB) format, or read the online e-book Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich - Remedy for Fear without registration and without SMS.
The size of the archive with the book Remedy for fear is 227.73 KB
Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
Express consultation C
"The remedy for fear": Neva; 2003
annotation
A truly happy life is a life free from fear. To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. You only need to know how it arises with us, where it “hides” and how to “smoke” it from there. This book will reveal to you the nature of your fears and teach you how to overcome them.
The author of the book is Andrei Kurpatov, a unique and authoritative specialist, head of the St. Petersburg City Psychotherapeutic Center, psychotherapist at the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, member of the Baltic Pedagogical Academy. His books, written in easy language, captivating, full of humor, self-irony, with exceptional content, inevitably become bestsellers. Everything he writes is not only interesting, but most importantly, it is important and practical.
Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language – we speak, write, “read with a dictionary”, so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the “mandatory educational standard”. Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what? There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, there are specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, with insomnia), others found depression in themselves and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down , and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
So these books appeared, these “express consultations” on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. And I called a series of these books - "Express Consultation". I hope they will be useful to my readers, at least for my patients, the “help” outlined in them comes in very, very handy. However, I do not think that these "express consultations" can completely replace the "Pocket Psychotherapist". In order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the entire “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life.
In conclusion of this preface, I want to thank all my patients who took part in the creation of this book, as well as the staff of the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, in which I have the pleasure of working.
Yours sincerely
Andrey Kurpatov
Introduction.
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t happen”, “won’t they think something like that” and “how it will look (I’ll tell you in secret that everyone who doesn’t think so is already sitting in the “yellow houses”, scattered in abundance across the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into hardened ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find a remedy against them.
The main danger in this life is people who want to change everything - or change nothing.
Nancy Astor
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter 1. Fear - what it is.
When I ask, “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people answer “Yes” at first. Then, as soon as I talk about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “Yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Without these circumstances, we simply did not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in the lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do a lot, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification.
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is incapable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function of a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least, I want to believe in this). We are able to assess this or that situation with the help of our knowledge and logic, calculate the options and understand how we should act in order to achieve what we want. And here the first difficulty arises: it turns out that two subjects at once are responsible for the same function in our psyche - fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It is good if they agree on this or that situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says, “Run! Run away! Save yourself!", and at the same moment, common sense reassures: "Yes, it's okay! Do not worry it's okay! You are not in danger!" And what would you do in such a situation? Involuntarily, you will remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because there are real swan, cancer and pike, and in our personal performance! The constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now difficulty number two. What does the said hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let's think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, is it of much use to our psychic apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation considers important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (namely, this is what our instinct for self-preservation occupies) will be revealed by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now beckon us. What gave us displeasure, on the contrary, will frighten us later.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And wouldn't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to pursue it? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble is waiting for you. Yes, not without reason did King Solomon say: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”.
Compared to us, any animal has no problems at all - a few questions, but he does not know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. But we, being reasonable and remembering beings, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want to, and prick, and my mother does not order ...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I want to fly there necessary, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare does not need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want others to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always not enough, always not enough), and therefore fear arises that someday I will be completely alone - without help and approval. Will such stupidity come to the hare's head?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable person” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already told in the book “With a Neurosis in Life”, our instinct for self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct for self-preservation of life, the instinct for self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct for self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find a consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our life in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that physical survival can be limited, but you go explain it to our subconscious ... He has these three "Arkharovtsy" operating there and conflicting with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other hand, threatens to turn into a conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it's scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer honor scratched me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this "contentment". In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that go to the "department" of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations (here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between the conscious and the subconscious, fears are guaranteed for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.
Fears:
1) For one's own life, health, safety (fear of death)
2) Associated with other people (fear of conflicts, "losing face")
3) In the field of sexual relations (sexual fears)
Dead language lessons.
The variety of our fears is outstanding! But you can't leave them unnamed, and now the scientific minds set about "inventory" of human fears. Since Latin was adopted as the international medical language, then, accordingly, our fears received proud Latin names, however, there are also ancient Greek ones. Now everyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are some of these titles.
Agoraphobia (from ancient Greek agora - the area where public meetings are held) - the fear of the so-called "open space". What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves do not really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to the square or the embankment, sometimes to cross the road, find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something can happen”, “happen”. What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.
Claustrophobia (from Latin claudo - to lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of "closed space". However, despite the apparent differences, they usually "go hand in hand." What is the person afraid of in this case and what does he consider "closed space"? This is a riddle for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that “if something happens”, you won’t get help behind closed doors. What should happen? Here the need for inventions is cunning - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!
Oxyphobia (Aichmophobia) is the fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that a sharp object has its own life and plans to injure it (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. At the heart of this fear is the fear of losing control over their actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are precisely those who are in excess, more than anyone else controls themselves and their actions.
Statistics say that one in four Americans suffers from some kind of mental illness. Think about your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita M. Brown
Hypsophobia (acrophobia) - fear of heights. The latter is of two types: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump in this state from a height (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony ?!”); the second is reminiscent of agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I lose my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I just “slip”). People subject to this fear are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.
Dysmorphophobia is the fear of physical deformity, unattractiveness. As a rule, people who have no reason to suffer from it, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders, suffer from it. They talk about some of their "extraordinary shortcomings", even "deformities" that can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider "ugliness", then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”, depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper sense of self-doubt, is enough.
Nosophobia is the fear of getting sick with a serious illness. A lot of terms for special use have been invented here: syphilophobia (fear of getting syphilis), speedophobia (fear of getting sick with HIV), carcinophobia (fear of getting cancer), lysophobia (fear of getting rabies), cardiophobia (fear of a heart attack), and further down the list - open medical reference book and "spank" terms.
However, on this, of course, our possible fears are not exhausted. Here are more examples: thanatophobia is the fear of death; peniaphobia - fear of poverty; hematophobia - fear of blood; necrophobia - fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia - fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia - fear of drugs; hypnophobia - fear of sleep; hodophobia - fear of travel; siderodromophobia - fear of riding a train; tachophobia - fear of speed; aerophobia - fear of flying on airplanes; gephyrophobia - fear of walking on a bridge; hydrophobia - fear of water; ahluophobia - fear of the dark; monophobia - fear of being alone; erotophobia - fear of sexual relations; pettophobia - fear of society; anthropophobia (ochlophobia) - fear of the crowd; social phobia - fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia - fear of ridicule; xenophobia - fear of strangers; homophobia - fear of homosexuals; lalophobia - fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); kenophobia - fear of empty spaces; mysophobia - fear of pollution; zoophobia - fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia - fear of spiders; ophidiophobia - fear of snakes; kinophobia - fear of dogs; taphephobia - fear of being buried alive; sitophobia - fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia - fear of the 13th, etc., etc.
There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia and pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, more precisely, the fear of repeating fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is frightening.
In short, you have a fear - do not be afraid, it has a name!
Point one: "Attention, life is in danger!"
In fact, if we are truly afraid of anything, it is for our own lives. We only need to find a convenient excuse so that this fear of ours has a place to roam. After all, you must admit, it is difficult to be afraid simply for life (although there are “masters” here too), fear simply before death is a rarity, it is inconvenient to be afraid if the threat is not determined by the senses.
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Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
AUTHOR'S FOREWORD
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language – we speak, write, “read with a dictionary”, so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the “mandatory educational standard”. Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, there are specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, with insomnia), others found depression in themselves and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down, and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
So these books appeared, these “express consultations” on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. And I called a series of these books - "Express Consultation". I hope they will be useful to my readers, at least for my patients, the “help” outlined in them comes in very, very handy. However, I do not think that these "express consultations" can completely replace the "Pocket Psychotherapist". In order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the entire “anatomy” of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life.
In conclusion of this preface, I want to thank all my patients who took part in the creation of this book, as well as the staff of the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, in which I have the pleasure of working.
Yours sincerely
Andrey Kurpatov
INTRODUCTION
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t work out”, “won’t they think of something like this" and “how it will look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who doesn't think are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into hardened ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
The main danger in this life is people who want to change everything - or change nothing.
Nancy Astor
CHAPTER FIRST
FEAR - WHAT IT IS
When I ask, “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people answer “Yes” at first. Then, as soon as I talk about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “Yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Without these circumstances, we simply did not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in the lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do much, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is incapable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function of a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least, I want to believe in this). We are able to assess this or that situation with the help of our knowledge and logic, calculate the options and understand how we should act in order to achieve what we want. And here comes the first difficulty: it turns out that two subjects are responsible for the same function in our psyche at once - fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It is good if they agree on this or that situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says, “Run! Run away! Save yourself!", and at the same moment, common sense reassures: "Yes, it's okay! Do not worry it's okay! You are not in danger!" And what would you do in such a situation? Involuntarily, you will remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because there are real swan, cancer and pike, and in our personal performance! The constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now difficulty number two. What does the said hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let's think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, is it of much use to our psychic apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation considers important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (namely, this is what our instinct for self-preservation occupies) will be revealed by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now beckon us. What gave us displeasure, on the contrary, will frighten us later.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And wouldn't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to pursue it? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble is waiting for you. Yes, not without reason did King Solomon say: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”.
Compared to us, any animal has no problems at all - a few questions, but he does not know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. But we, being reasonable and remembering beings, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want to, and prick, and my mother does not order ...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I have to fly there, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare does not need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want others to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always not enough, always not enough), and therefore fear arises that someday I will be completely alone - without help and approval. Will such stupidity come to the hare's head?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable person” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already told in the book “With a Neurosis in Life”, our instinct for self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct for self-preservation of life, the instinct for self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct for self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find a consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our life in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that even physical survival can be limited, but you go explain it to our subconscious ... There, these three “Arkharovtsy” operate and conflict with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other hand, threatens to turn into a conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it's scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer honor scratched me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this "contentment". In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that go to the "department" of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations (here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between the conscious and the subconscious, fears are guaranteed for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.
CLASSIFICATION OF OUR FEARS
dead language lessons
The variety of our fears is outstanding! But you can't leave them unnamed, and now the scientific minds set about "inventory" of human fears. Since Latin was adopted as the international medical language, then, accordingly, our fears received proud Latin names, however, there are also ancient Greek ones. Now everyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are some of these titles.
Agoraphobia(from others - Greek. agora- the area where public meetings are held) - the fear of the so-called "open space". What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves do not really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to the square or the embankment, sometimes to cross the road, find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something can happen”, “happen”. What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.
Claustrophobia(from lat. claudo- lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of "enclosed space". However, despite the apparent differences, they usually "go hand in hand." What is the person afraid of in this case and what does he consider "closed space"? This is a riddle for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that “if something happens”, you won’t get help behind closed doors. What should happen? Here the need for inventions is cunning - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!
oxyphobia(Aichmophobia) - Fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that a sharp object has its own life and plans to injure it (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. At the heart of this fear is the fear of losing control over their actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are precisely those who are in excess, more than anyone else controls themselves and their actions.
Hypsophobia(acrophobia) - fear of heights. The latter is of two types: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump in this state from a height (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony ?!”); the second is reminiscent of agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I can’t keep my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I just“ slip up ”). Subject to this fear, people are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.
Statistics say that one in four Americans suffers from some kind of mental illness. Think about your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita M. Brown
Dysmorphophobia- fear of physical ugliness, unattractiveness. As a rule, people who have no reason to suffer from it, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders, suffer from it. They talk about some of their "extraordinary shortcomings", even "deformities" that can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider "ugliness", then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”, depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper sense of self-doubt, is enough.
Nosophobia- Fear of getting seriously ill. There are a lot of terms for special use here: syphilophobia(fear of getting syphilis) speedophobia(fear of getting HIV), cancerophobia(fear of getting cancer) lysophobia(fear of getting rabies) cardiophobia(fear of a heart attack), well, and further down the list - we open the medical reference book and “spank” the terms.
However, on this, of course, our possible fears are not exhausted. Here are more examples: thanatophobia - it is the fear of death; peniaphobia- fear of poverty hematophobia- fear of blood; necrophobia- fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia– fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia- fear of drugs; hypnophobia- fear of sleep; hodophobia- fear of travel siderodromophobia - fear of riding a train; tachophobia- fear of speed; aerophobia- fear of flying; gephyrophobia - fear of walking across the bridge; hydrophobia- fear of water; ahluophobia- fear of darkness; monophobia- fear of loneliness; erotophobia- fear of sexual relations; pettophobia- fear of society; anthropophobia(ochlophobia) - fear of the crowd; social phobia- fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia- fear of ridicule; xenophobia- fear of strangers homophobia - fear of homosexuals; lalophobia- fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); cenophobia- fear of empty spaces; mysophobia - fear of pollution; zoophobia- fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia- fear of spiders; ophidiophobia- fear of snakes cynophobia- fear of dogs taphephobia- fear of being buried alive; sitophobia- fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia- fear of the 13th, etc., etc.
There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia and pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, more precisely, the fear of repeating fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is frightening.
In short, you have a fear - do not be afraid, it has a name!
Point one:
"Attention, life is in danger!"
In fact, if we are truly afraid of anything, it is for our own lives. We only need to find a convenient excuse so that this fear of ours has a place to roam. After all, you must admit, it’s hard to be afraid just for life (although there are “masters” here too), fear just before death is a rarity, it’s inconvenient to be afraid,
FEARS FOR YOUR OWN LIFE: HEALTH AND SAFETY
if the threat is not determined by the senses. Therefore, it is necessary to come up with an appropriate reason, not to yearn for our self-preservation instinct in inaction!
The general formula: "Do not come close - it will kill!". In particular, we are afraid that either "something will happen to our health - and hello", or that "something will happen to us at all." Further, the whole matter is subdivided as follows: according to health - either some kind of illness (“cancer crept up unnoticed”), or infection (“AIDS does not sleep”); for an external reason - either an accident (“a brick on my head”), or intent (“enemies burned my own hut”). In short, whatever we are afraid of, everything will find itself in the general scheme.
A truly happy life is a life free from fear. To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. You only need to know how it arises with us, where it "hides" and how to "smoke" it from there. This book will reveal to you the nature of your fears and teach you how to overcome them.
The author of the book is Andrei Kurpatov, a unique and authoritative specialist, head of the St. Petersburg City Psychotherapeutic Center, psychotherapist at the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, member of the Baltic Pedagogical Academy. His books, written in easy language, captivating, full of humor, self-irony, with exceptional content, inevitably become bestsellers. Everything he writes is not only interesting, but most importantly, it is important and practical.
Andrey Kurpatov
Remedy for fear
Author's Preface
After I wrote "Happy of my own accord," a whole series of books called "Pocket Psychotherapist" appeared by itself. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is not by chance that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what? There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, at the appointment with a psychotherapist, there is a full house, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to "faith and truth" live with yourself, the second half - how to "happily ever after" live with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now, the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, specific questions have arisen. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, with insomnia), others found depression in themselves and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of "treason" (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down , and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
So these books appeared, these "express consultations" on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. And I called a series of these books - "Express-consultation". I hope they will be useful to my readers, at least for my patients, the "remedies" presented in them come in very, very handy. However, I do not think that these "express consultations" can completely replace the "Pocket Psychotherapist". In order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the entire "anatomy" of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life.
In conclusion of this preface, I want to thank all my patients who took part in the creation of this book, as well as the staff of the Clinic of Neurosis. Academician I.P. Pavlov, in which I have the pleasure of working.
Yours sincerely
Andrey Kurpatov
Introduction
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid of flying on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” – “If only something doesn’t work out”, “Will they think of something such"and" how it will look like "(I will tell you in secret that everyone who doesn't think are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the "fearless" "lodge" in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me "hunting" "for gray predators - hardened and puppies", that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into hardened ones at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find a remedy against them.
The main danger in this life is people who want to change everything - or change nothing.
Nancy Astor
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this "expedition", wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter 1
When in my classes and lectures I ask: "Who has fears?", At first only a few people answer "Yes". Then, as soon as I talk about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “Yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Without these circumstances, we simply did not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in the lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.