The main reason that people are in no hurry to confess their love, especially when they are not sure of reciprocal feelings, is the fear that the object of adoration may laugh at the confession.
We fear that a failed attempt will "destroy" us. The cause of fears, as a rule, is rooted in childhood or adolescence, when people are more liberated in communication and more freely share their emotions. However, this also makes them the most vulnerable. The teenager confided in someone, but he was not understood, or even worse, fenced off, thus causing psychological trauma. This bitter experience is transferred, alas, into adulthood. People become much more careful in expressing emotions. Most of us prefer not to talk about our feelings, but to keep them in ourselves, - psychologist Polina Bochkareva explains the situation.
Also, if we are talking about men, then their low emotionality may be associated with upbringing. Boys are most often told: “Do not roar”, “Do not complain”, “Be patient”. Representatives of the stronger sex are taught from childhood to suppress emotions. Many learn the lesson so well that in the future they begin to be accused of insensitivity.
Looks will not replace words
On the other hand, closeness and isolation are bad companions of relationships. Sometimes to dot the i. This is especially true of women's confessions. Young ladies often endow men with supernatural powers and believe that men should guess that they are loved "by their smiles and looks." Nothing like that, psychologists say. Representatives of the strong half of humanity can invest in “shooting with their eyes” and treating homemade cakes with a completely different meaning, different from yours. A man may think that you are just flirting with him or that you have decided to feed him in a friendly way. And do not take reciprocal steps towards rapprochement. And the lady perceives this inaction as a sign that the man is not at all interested.
Still, it’s better to take risks and openly declare your feelings in order to clarify the situation, advises Polina Bochkareva.
Of course, it is impossible to talk about some "rules of recognition" in love. However, there are some general tips. For example, when confessing feelings, do not laugh. I understand that this may be a kind of defensive reaction, but this way you ruin the whole thing. The person you are trying to say, perhaps the most important words in life, will simply think that you are joking. Second: try to speak confidentially and softly in order to win over the interlocutor and assure him of the seriousness of his intentions. Thirdly, - advice mainly for girls - do not try to "prepare" a man for a conversation with the phrase "I need to have a serious talk with you." Young people are afraid of these words more than anything in the world, - the psychologist explains.
Just do not offer to remain friends!
It is also necessary to be able to react to recognition correctly. Otherwise, you may hurt the confessor's feelings. Ideally, of course, that you, burning with reciprocal passion, inform your admirer (admirer) about this. Although, psychologists say, this is also not easy to do, because completely different fears “turn on”: “What if we don’t succeed”, “We really suit each other or it just seems”, etc.
If you don’t feel reciprocal feelings, you need to thank the person for the recognition - after all, for modern Homo sapiens he accomplished almost a feat - to admit that you cannot reciprocate him. Rejection is, of course, difficult to survive, but at least it will bring clarity to the situation. A person will not entertain himself with empty hopes, but will try to turn his attention to someone else.
For God's sake, don't suggest "stay friends." This phrase is not only beaten, but because it went, it also offends the feelings of the one who opened his heart to you. According to the psychologist, such an offer is still a refusal, but veiled.
People often resort to this "unique" phrase simply because they don't know how to say "no". This is a problem for many. You have to learn to refuse. So you make life easier for yourself and others.
And finally, the third scenario. You really can’t figure out your feelings and don’t understand how much you like the person who just confessed your love. Then you should ask for time to think. At the same time, it’s better not to delay thinking - a day, a maximum of two, after which the very first to return to the conversation and report your decision. If you do not, then you will actually turn on the "dynamo".
The worst thing is when the question remains open, and then you have to guess and suffer from uncertainty, - emphasizes Polina Bochkareva.
So much has been written about love. Freud claimed that this is one of the two most powerful forces that drives every person, along with the fear of death. Because of love, they committed feats, suicides, even intergalactic wars happened (well, according to the plot of the 3rd part of Star Wars).
Actually Pikap.ru also owes its appearance to love, we are just “about it”. We come across this topic every time when they come to us for help or write on the forum. And over the years of our existence, we have developed our own, applied theory in this regard.
In this article, we will not talk about love either bad or good. We will analyze what is happening, draw conclusions, no matter how cynical they may seem. In this article, young (and not so) romantics will be able to find specific tips and tricks on how to make sure that they don’t burn themselves badly or quickly heal wounds from a love flame.
There are several definitions of the word "love" in the explanatory dictionary. In our case, love is a feeling based on sympathy and sexual desire. I like this definition: it reveals both the strength that love gives and the weakness that it generates. The strength comes from whom love more, the weakness of the one who loves more.
As they said in one movie, "the power is on the side of the one who doesn't give a damn."
It's time to draw the first conclusions. I will say right away that 95% of men who come to us sincerely believe that their case is unique, special. For more than seven years of work, we have become accustomed to this, so if comments appear on this article in the style of “you do not understand anything, it is special”, we will not be upset.
So, the first conclusion: until you seduced a girl, there is nothing to fall in love with her very much and wind up her significance. I'm not interested in talking about it at all. “I love her, but she doesn’t even look at me, what should I do?” This is as banal as asking about the library, but this question worries many, so I answer. So, if a strong feeling has appeared, based on sympathy and sexual desire, you must either seduce the girl (read on our website or come to study with us about how to do this), or forget. Because the longer you keep this feeling in yourself, the more difference in significance you have with her, the more you are ready to do for her, the more she will use you or freeze you, the more you will make mistakes, the less chance there will be get her. It's sad, but it's a fact. I hope that in this case the answer to the question “How can I confess to a girl in love?” Is clear. No way, the girl must first be seduced, and then talk about feelings. Moreover, after this, feelings can change. By the way, people who ignore this advice then come to us with the following question and an aggravated problem: “How do I get out of DOD?” (Note DOD - Let's Stay Friends). Don't bring it up.
Second case. You meet, you have great sex, you have a great time together and there is a feeling that this sympathy is getting stronger and stronger. What to do? What to say, whether to confess your love, whether to be the first to confess, how to make a girl fall in love with you, how to make her confess her love to you?
That's a good question. But we will begin to answer it traditionally for us: first answer yourself, what do you want from this girl? It is very important. Sit down and think about it. Do you just want sex, or do you intend to build a relationship, maybe something else? Trust us, when you answer it, you will have answers to the previous questions (at least some of them).
In addition to the fact that you must understand what you want, it is important to follow certain rules.
Firstly, don't be the first to confess your love if you want to be the leader in your relationship. Remember: in a relationship, the one who appreciates them less is in the lead. To be clear, "appreciates less" doesn't necessarily mean you don't care at all. It's just that the leader has more choice of alternatives, or invests less, or is ready to end the relationship first if they stop suiting. Or all at once. That is why he is the leader.
Therefore, try to make sure that the girl invests in relationships more than you, respectively, and confesses her love first.
Secondly less jealous. This is from the same opera, jealousy is a sign of weakness. If you are jealous, more often it means that you are afraid of losing, and not in love.
I will immediately respond to comments like: “Well, I love, that’s why I’m afraid to lose”. Yes, everything is correct, just think about what is paramount for you in this case, love or fear that they will take you away? Be honest with yourself. In addition, jealousy is a great way to manipulate. I'm not talking about being generally bulletproof and not showing any feelings, sometimes it's useful to play jealous scenes on duty, but they should be the exception, not the rule. Remember that even after the girl confesses her love to you, she is not your property, she has her own life and her own views on it. Your task is to protect it with frames that are comfortable for you.
Thirdly, talk less, work more. The feeling of happiness does not arise from the fact that you said something, it is much more important what you do. It’s good with a girl - spend more time with her, come up with interesting joint leisure activities, common activities, and so on.
This is about you. Now let's talk about her. It's easy to say: make it more invested, but how to do it? I’ll tell you now, but first, another grandfather’s slip. Remember that no matter how cynical our advice may seem, we love women very much which we recommend to you. Try to apply our advice in order to be happy and make such women around you, and not to take revenge on them and prove something. A truly confident person does not need this. Besides, it won't do you any good.
We continue. In order for a girl to fall in love with you, she must miss you, there must be a deficit. It should not be such that you appear every time at her first request. In order to get you, she must work hard. How to do it? You can, of course, put a sign on her, record all her calls, sms, messages on social networks, agree to every third proposal for a meeting, firmly refuse every third, and ask the rest to come up with leisure and pay for it. But it is difficult both from the technical side and from the psychological side, although the recipe is just that.
To achieve such a state when you do not agree every time, provoke her to come up with interesting leisure activities for you, you must have hobbies besides the girl. Sports, friends, anything else that will distract you from it. Then it will turn out that you:
- sometimes you refuse (darling, I have a meeting with friends today, sorry, we have a bachelor party), sometimes you agree (you miss me, that's normal);
- sometimes she will need to invest (and what will we do?);
- and even give you something. (Walking in the park? Probably a good idea. Will you treat me to ice cream?)
Encourage her attention, her gifts, but never change her for your hobbies.
A small addition about your gifts. Giving them is nice. Try to make sure that the gifts are those that will then surround her, which she will put in a prominent place in her room, which will remind her of you.
This creates additional sympathy and attraction. A gift is especially good when it is not expected.
I do not mean birthdays and other official holidays, here you need to congratulate yourself. But in other cases, you will add more than one plus to yourself by giving her some little thing just like that. And on the contrary, it will be a mistake to go on every date with a bouquet, it always touches me when I see such guys. The girl will get used to it very quickly, and if you suddenly don’t bring it, she will start to think why, look for a hidden meaning, be offended, etc. They are women like that. J
How to confess love?It seemed that it could be easier? After all, all you need to do is say three words. But only one who has never faced such a task can argue like this: to confess his sincere feelings to his beloved girl. It's sincere! After all, fake words of love easily fly from the lips, because they mean nothing. A sincere genuine feeling can be so vulnerable and reverent that it is sometimes very difficult to put it into words. Maybe then there is no need to dress up love in verbal “clothes”? After all, there can be as many ways of expressing it as there are men who experience this feeling!
Of course, the most difficult thing is to confess your love when you are not sure about the reciprocal feelings of a girl or woman. But it is in this case that your unusual confession can become the beginning of reciprocity. After all, women like it when a man is able to do something unusual for them. Think about what you could do to surprise Her. If you manage to make a surprise in a good way with your confession, then it will not remain forgotten. Girls love inventive guys, they like masculine determination and originality. To find out what women want from men take a look here - it may be useful to you in future relationships.
No matter how you decide to tell Her about your love, the most important thing in the crucial moment of recognition is to avoid unnecessary pretentiousness and banality. You should not climb onto the roof of a 12-storey building and recite from there, even Pushkin's poems. Putting love notes into balloons, which the girl will then have to extract with a needle, is also not a good idea: it gives away to kindergarten. Not every woman may like a public declaration of love. Still, this is a personal matter, and you should not involve the whole world as a witness. Sometimes words are just not needed.
A good example of a silent declaration of love is in the movie Love Actually. In it, the hero speaks about his feelings with the help of a pencil and paper, showing the girl one poster after another. No pomposity, pomposity, theatricality. The scene is so sincere and real that it makes everyone who watches it empathize. From the changing expression on the face of the heroine Keira Knightley, you can see how impressed she is.
When feelings are real, they themselves are torn out, the question how to confess love disappears, they can be expressed without words. For example, lay out a confession in the snow, write it on the pavement in large letters, order a large poster with a portrait of your beloved and the inscription "I love ...". Do not be afraid that the girl will not appreciate your act. In any case, she will definitely not be able to forget him. And if one act is followed by another or a third, if you do not retreat, but are persistent in expressing feelings, but patient in anticipation of reciprocity, then perhaps one day She will say her “yes” to you. It is so laid down by nature - an energetic, courageous, confident representative of the male fauna always achieves his goal. And man is no exception. Moreover, true love, as they say, is never unrequited.
How to confess your love to a girl so that she cannot refuse? How to convince her of the sincerity of your feelings and fall in love with yourself? Many young people are interested in the answer to this question. If you are going to confess your love to a girl, then the tips that we have prepared for you will come in handy.
Love relationships can be divided into two phases
In the first phase, one of the partners seeks the location of the other, giving him all sorts of signs of attention. It is not necessary that it is the guy who is active in the first phase, it is just accepted that a man should seek the love of a woman, and not vice versa. In the second phase, the guy and the girl already feel sympathy for each other and often spend time together, which is simply called “meeting”. This stage should not be underestimated, it is during this period that relationships are formed, the so-called “grinding in” takes place, and later the lovers understand if there is a future for their relationship. In the phase of constant meetings, it is necessary to prove your feelings in every possible way and demonstrate love so that relationships that have not even become family ones do not become boring and crack. We will talk about how to confess your love to a girl during the two phases of the relationship above.
But, nevertheless, we have no right to miss the third one, the one that begins with the words "yes" said to the guys and the girl at the altar. In the best scenarios, this phrase lasts a lifetime, but in order for the union to be strong, and the most optimistic forecasts to be confirmed, it is necessary to declare love not in word, but in deed, to your soulmate as often as possible.
And now closer to the point.
How to confess your love to a girl you like?
If you are in love with a colleague, girlfriend, friend, friend of acquaintances, or just the first girl you meet on the street who agreed to drink coffee, and you are more than sure that she is exactly the person you don’t want to let go of your life, then you need to think about how to originally confess your love to a girl.
If it is easy for you to contact the love object by phone or the Internet, then you need to use one of the communication methods and invite the girl for a walk around the city. Surely in your city there are a large number of beautiful and romantic places where you can confess your love. When the girl has agreed, try to set her up in the right way in advance. Be caring and don't be stingy. Take her to places with amorous overtones. So, for example, in Kyiv, the bridge of love is considered a symbol of lovers. If you invite a girl to walk along it, she will immediately tune in to the right wave.
It is desirable to confess to a girl in love at a well-chosen moment. If she allows you to kiss herself, then recognition immediately after the kiss will become very relevant. At the same time, make sure that you are in a beautiful environment, usually girls really appreciate the romantic component in such moments.
This method is perfect for schoolchildren and young men who are not averse to remembering their childhood. A declaration of love to a girl in the form of an inscription on the pavement under the windows of her beloved “I love you”, which has become almost a classic, is perhaps a slightly boring way to confess a girl’s love, but for decades it has not lost its charm. You can also buy balloons with letters and keep them in the right order under the windows of your beloved. And you can launch a specific salute in her honor, which will outline the desired inscription in the evening sky. The main disadvantage of this method is that you will not see the reaction of the girl.
Recently, communicating with people on the Internet has become familiar to everyone. The web is deeply rooted in our way of life. It may not always be good, but virtual communication in many ways can make our lives easier. For example, using the Internet, you can confess your love to a girl. You should just forget about platitudes, no sweet messages in VK or ICQ, no hearts on the wall. Try to be original. For example, record a video declaration of love for a girl and dedicate a song to her. Or compose a verse in her honor (but only if you really have a very tolerable talent for poetry). When she sees the confession and responds to it, just invite her to meet and talk live.
How to confess your love to a girl with whom you are already in a relationship?
Someone will ask, they say, why? She already knows that I love her. Let's try to destroy your confidence. Girls are creatures who always doubt everything and can wind themselves up on all sorts of “buts”. Therefore, if you want the cockroaches in the girl's head not to rebel against you, do not forget to confess your love to the girl. Where and how? Yes everywhere, for example:
- in bed, whispering sweet words in her ear;
- in the company of friends, holding her hand, opening doors for her, affectionately hugging;
- anywhere alone, be it a cafe, nature or home environment;
- when she gets angry;
- when she is nervous or worried.
It is not so important how you will confess your love to a girl, it is much more important that your feelings are sincere. But do not be intrusive, words of love are usually pronounced in a fit, otherwise they are not very hard to believe. So, for example, avoid saying the phrase "I love you" after the girl has fulfilled your request, otherwise she will decide that you love her solely because she is ready to help you. But during a quarrel, on the contrary, it is highly recommended to confess to a girl in love. First, you can confuse her for a short time, which will help settle the conflict. And secondly, even if it flares up again with an arsenal of claims against you, then it is guaranteed that its tone will become softer, and your chances of fighting back will increase.
Remember, words are not as important as actions are. Your concern for the girl, the desire to cheer her up, affection is the best declaration of love.
In any case, do not be shy about your feelings, do not be afraid of rejection and try to win your loved ones.
How to prepare a girl for confession?
Modern society has defiled the word "love" so much that you can't believe it when you are told this sincerely. We are used to the fact that everyone defends their interests, not taking into account the wishes of the partner. Normal human relationships that begin with the head, then descend to the lips, and only then lower - have become a fairy tale. Everyone is in a hurry somewhere, they want to snatch everything at once, and then love exhausts itself, and the relationship ends as quickly as it began. But, nevertheless, in this society there are guys who dry their heads over how to confess to a girl in love, and not drag her into bed. By the way, you, dear ladies, this also applies. We equally use each other. But, based on practical experience, we can say that it is pleasant to hear the cherished words at any age and even the most cynical people.
How to tell a girl about your love so that she remembers this moment for the rest of her life?
First, prepare her for it. Otherwise, surprise can cause an ambiguous reaction. Pick a Romantic Place: The best place is where you've experienced a lot of emotions together and were truly happy. Before confessing your love to a girl, make sure that you are alone and no one interferes. It would be nice to coincide with such an event on some date: her birthday, Valentine's Day, March 8, the anniversary of a relationship or acquaintance. In such a place, and even under the influx of memories from the past days, you will immediately understand how to say love to your girlfriend. It may sound pompous, but I advise you to listen to your heart. It certainly won't let you down.
How to talk about feelings?
Start by talking about your relationship. Focus on how much she means to you. Mention how the relationship started. Girls really appreciate this (because there is an opinion that guys don’t even remember key dates). And most importantly: compliments, compliments, compliments. You know girls love with their ears. How to confess to a girl in love without compliments? No way. Talk to her not just about beautiful eyes or a smile - it's so predictable and stereotyped. Your loved one will definitely not be impressed. Tell her you love her laugh when she wrinkles her nose or raises an eyebrow. Most importantly, say what you love, not what you like. Pay special attention to those qualities that she appreciates in herself. And, of course, physical contact is important: take her hand, hug her waist, run it through her hair, put her hand on your heart.
Look into the eyes of your beloved. And don't look away! Otherwise, she will think that you are indecisive. When all the previous things have been done, the question of how to confess love to a girl will no longer scare you so much. The atmosphere will be so exciting that the desired words will fly out of your mouth. Then wait for her reaction. If she is positive, kiss or hug. Kissing is a more intimate process, but strong hugs evoke trust and a sense of calm. This is just a general recognition scheme! And each case is unique in its own way!
Instead of a conclusion
Don't prepare your speech ahead of time. Because it will sound insincere because of your experiences: have you said everything, have you forgotten anything. The best words are those that come out with emotion. So you tell her about how you feel at the moment!