When a person had injuries in childhood, a protective reaction (masks) appears afterwards. Well, that is, in order not to be so painful in the future, the person, as it were, defends himself in advance.
According to all the descriptions below, it is not at all necessary to look for absolutely all properties in yourself. It may be that from the above you have found only a small description item, or maybe a little more. It just tells you which injury you have more.
More about rejected 
More about abandoned 
More about the humiliated 
More about the trauma of betrayal 
More about the trauma of injustice
Much depends on the type of mask, for example, the manner of speech and voice:
The fugitive has a weak, powerless voice.
The addict has a childish voice with a hint of complaint.
The masochist often embellishes his voice with feigned intonations, portraying an interested person.
Rigid speech is somewhat mechanical and reserved.
The controller has a loud, booming voice.
How does an injury occur?
THE TRAUMA OF THE REJECTED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE SAME GENDER. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by persons of the same sex as himself. He accuses them of rejecting him and is more angry with them than with himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case, his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.
THE TRAUMA OF THE ABANDONED IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the addict tends to believe that he will be abandoned by the opposite sex, and blame them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of being abandoned with a person of the same sex, then he blames himself, because he believes that he did not pay enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his gender has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.
THE TRAUMA OF HIGHLIGHT IS USUALLY EXPERIENCED WITH THE MOTHER, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist tends to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, then he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to keep clean, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what was said to the male or female version.
THE TRAUMA OF BETRAYAL IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the controller usually believes that he was betrayed by persons of the opposite sex, and is inclined to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, then he mainly blames himself and is angry with himself for not being able to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is highly likely that what he perceives as betrayal by those of his gender is in fact an experience that has activated his trauma of injustice.
THE TRAUMA OF INJUSTICE IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE SAME GENDER. That is, a rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice to him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he accuses not this person, but rather himself - of injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a member of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Intense suffering can even drive him to a destructive rage.
Here are examples of how sometimes you can hurt yourself.
____ A person suffering from the trauma of rejection reinforces this trauma whenever he calls himself a nonentity, when he believes that he does not mean anything in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.
____ A person suffering from the trauma of abandonment aggravates this trauma whenever he abandons an important business for him, when he allows himself to fall, when he does not take care of himself enough and does not give himself the necessary attention. He frightens others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus causes them to leave, and he is left alone again. He causes a lot of suffering to his body, giving rise to diseases in it to attract attention.
____ A person suffering from the trauma of humiliation intensifies this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and downplays his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, malevolence, lack of will, opportunism, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that do not suit him and which he always messes up. He makes his body suffer by giving it so much food that it cannot be digested and assimilated. He causes himself suffering, taking on someone else's responsibility and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.
____ A person suffering from the trauma of betrayal intensifies this trauma whenever he lies to himself, when he inspires himself with false truths, when he violates obligations towards himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work himself: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, because he does not trust them. He is so busy controlling and checking what others are doing that he has no time for himself.
____ A person suffering from the trauma of injustice reinforces this trauma by excessive demands on himself. He does not consider his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself, because he is too self-critical and hardly notices his positive qualities and the results of his work. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the shortcomings of what has been done. He suffers because he does not know how to please himself.
In general, the advice is such that you need to understand, accept, love, forgive, and then the trauma will disappear.
____ Your trauma of REJECTED is close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. There are fewer and fewer situations in which you are afraid to panic.
____Your ABANDONED injury is close to healing if you feel good even when you are alone and if you need less attention from others. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the work yourself.
____Your HUMILATED injury is close to healing if you give yourself time to consider whether it meets your needs before you say yes to someone. You already take less on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limits for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying and unnecessary.
____Your trauma of BETRAYAL is close to healing if you no longer experience such violent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means loosening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work done, you feel good even when others do not notice or do not recognize your merits.
____Your injury of INJUSTICE is close to healing if you allow yourself to be not so perfect, to make mistakes, without falling into a rage and without criticizing yourself. You can afford to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without being afraid of their judgment and without being ashamed of temporarily losing control.
More about the transformation and elimination of these five injuries
The soul does not go in only one direction
and does not grow like a reed.
The soul opens like a lotus
with countless petals.
Kahlil Gibran
One day a small gap appeared in the cocoon. A man passing by stopped and began to observe how a butterfly was trying to get out through this gap. A lot of time passed, the butterfly seemed to have abandoned its efforts, and the gap remained just as small. It seemed that the butterfly had done everything it could, and it had no more strength for anything else.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly and cut the cocoon with a knife. The butterfly immediately got out of the cocoon. But her body was weak and feeble, her wings were undeveloped and barely moved. The man continued to watch, thinking that the butterfly's wings were about to spread, get stronger, and it would be able to fly.
Nothing happened! For the rest of its life, the butterfly dragged along the ground its weak body, its unspread wings. She never learned to fly.
And all because the man, wanting to help her, cut the cocoon. He did not know that the butterfly needs effort to make the vital juices from the body flow into the wings. Life makes the butterfly struggle to leave the shell of the cocoon so that it can fly.
Sometimes it is effort that we need in life. If we were allowed to live without encountering difficulties, we would be deprived. We could not become as strong as we are now. We wouldn't have learned to fly...
Foreword
I asked for strength
and life gave me difficulties,
to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom
and life gave me problems
to make me wise.
I asked for wealth
and life gave me the brain and muscles,
so that I can work.
I asked for opportunities
and life gave me obstacles,
to overcome.
I asked for love
and life gave me people
who need my help.
I didn't get what I asked for...
But I got everything I needed.
Does the title of the book remind you of something? Yes, I wrote this book under the influence of one of my teachers, Liz Burbo. Have you read her book Five Injuries That Keep You From Being Yourself?
The first time I read this book, I didn't understand much. Moreover, it left a depressing impression on me personally: I discovered all five injuries in myself ... Or rather, I felt like one continuous injury. I experienced this “enlightenment” as something absolutely hopeless. Well, yes, I found out that I am a solid walking injury, and then what? What to do with it? And I started my own investigation.
I went through the Five Traumas seminar with Liz Burbo several times, added some of my observations, the experience of my students, and finally decided to write this book. I hope it will help you heal your soul and your body. And learn to fly!
I'll warn you right now: this is an unusual book. Rather, it is a workbook, a diary of your personal and spiritual growth. Get your pencil ready - you'll find plenty of places to write here. Feel free to write directly in the book, share your feelings, thoughts, desires with it.
Why is this needed? When, after some time, you pick up the book again and read what you wrote, for example, a year ago, you will be amazed at what changes have taken place in your life and personally with you during this time. Inspired, you can erase everything and start working again!
The more I share my thoughts, desires and dreams, the more I gain knowledge about myself.
And now I propose to digress for a while. Read the text, close your eyes, think for a minute and write down the thoughts that come to your mind.
Each of us, somewhere deep in his heart, asks himself questions: who am I, why was I born, why was I given life, what do I need to do in this life, where will I go after death? Each of us, somewhere deep in our souls, feels that we were born for something very important. Only, alas, not everyone manages to live life in such a way as to understand and fulfill their true destiny. Without knowing what will actually happen to us after death, it is impossible to understand our purpose, values and meaning of life itself...
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If you wrote that the true purpose of your soul is to learn unconditional forgiveness, acceptance and love, you are almost right.
Why almost? Because you also have to teach it to others! Deep in your heart you know that you have something to offer other people. You can give the world a unique piece of God, His Light and Love.
Any communication is a process of learning and learning.
There are people who do not have the slightest idea of the high mission of their lives. But understanding already illuminates your life, and it leads you in one direction or another. It was this understanding that led you to the shelf in the bookstore where you chose this book.
Many are called, but few are chosen! You are chosen by the universe. She places her hopes on you. You have won the "casting" of souls awaiting their incarnation on our planet. Congratulations!
And if I give away all my possessions and give my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it does not profit me at all.
Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not behave violently, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything.
Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.
Purely by chance in a bookstore, my hand reached for Liz Burbo's book "5 Injuries That Prevent You from Being Yourself." Having bought this book, I read it in 2 days and realized that it fell into my hands not by chance, it was just time to deal with my childhood trauma, which affects my adult life. Strange as it may sound, while reading this book, it seemed to me that the author knows me even better than I know myself, as well as my relatives and friends. If you are interested, but you don’t have time to read the book at all, then I wrote this article just for you.
Perhaps we should start with the fact that every person has a trauma, and maybe more than one, which he received in childhood thanks to his mother or father, or the person who raised him. This trauma forces us to put on a mask in life in order not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, even ourselves. Liz Burbo, as a result of many years of practice, has identified 5 injuries that prevent us from living, masks that we unconsciously put on and methods for healing childhood wounds.
5 traumas that interfere with life:
1. Trauma - rejected.
The person who received this injury does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who nevertheless came into the world, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same sex from the moment of birth to one year.
Such a person has been wearing the “Runaway” mask since childhood, he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, as the body reacts to a subconscious desire. In the eyes of a fugitive, you will always see fear, he is very unsure of himself, he feels awkward in large companies, he is always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another characteristic feature of the fugitive is the desire for perfection in everything, if he does something, then he does it perfectly or does not start doing it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that he has something to love for.
People suffering from the trauma of the rejected often have problems with the skin, since it is it that is the contact organ with the outside world, the problematic skin seems to push the outside world away from itself and says with all its appearance: "Don't touch me." Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from rejection trauma, they reject food that has not had time to be digested. For the same reason, they often vomit. Some fugitives escape from reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing nagging pain.
2. Trauma - abandoned.
The next of the 5 injuries that interfere with life is abandoned. The person who carries this trauma in himself received it because of the parent of the opposite sex, as he did not pay due attention to him, did not show care and love. That is why a person suffering from the trauma of an abandoned person experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to “cling” to another person in order to satisfy this hunger.
The mask used by the abandoned is "Dependent". He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he just needs words of approval and advice, which, by the way, he does not follow later. For him, the main thing is to have a person nearby who you can rely on, since he is not confident in his abilities. The physique of the addict corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside, it seems that the muscular system will not hold his body and a person, in order not to fall, just needs to lean on someone. This is what happens in life. Experiencing emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on him.
At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, tends to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making an elephant out of a fly” is about her. More than anything, the addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from the trauma of the abandoned often has a childish timbre of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and hardly accepts rejection, because at the same time he feels abandoned again. The most common illnesses associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines, and depression.
3. Trauma - humiliated.
A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, censure from a very early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated is manifested if the child hears all this from the mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother blames the child, forcing him to feel guilt, shame, then he, in turn, perceives this as a humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers.
Such a child in the future puts on the mask of the "Masochist". This means that a person will look for problems, humiliations and various situations in which he can suffer all his life. From childhood he experienced humiliation, did not hear a kind word, therefore he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself.
Since he is used to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in size. A masochist occupies a lot of space not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, suggest and point out. Such a person seems to be kind, as he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact his behavior is motivated by fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and finally praised!
The masochist is usually hypersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and hurts other people. A person with a trauma of the humiliated often suffers from back diseases, as he takes on his shoulders an unbearable burden - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, the thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and declare his own. requirements.
4. Trauma - betrayal
This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 years with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else, and not him, or when he abuses the child's trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, puts on the “Controlling” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted.
Such a person is confident in his abilities, he likes to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as he is of himself and is often frustrated that they cannot be trusted with anything and that he has to do everything himself. In his actions, the controller loves speed, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and foresee everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and does as he sees fit, but requires others to strictly follow his recommendations. People who are traumatized by betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, diseases of the joints, and diseases whose names end in -it.
5. Trauma is an injustice.
The child receives this trauma mainly with a parent of the same sex between the ages of three and five. Protective mask - "Rigidity". Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others and vice versa - what others do to him may seem unfair only to him, as he suffers from this trauma.
The physique of a rigid one is perfect and proportional, because this is fair ... Such a person is very hardworking, he has always been appreciated for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he can act unfairly towards others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, the rigid often refuses the blessings of life if he considers it unfair to others and envies others if he considers that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, constipation, loss of vision and insomnia.
The first step to healing 5 traumas that interfere with life is their awareness, acceptance, and only then work with them. By the way, you don’t need to blame your parents for everything, because, as Liz Burbo writes in her book, souls already knew what injuries they needed to get in life in order to work off their karma and simply chose parents who would provide them with the necessary conditions. The responsibility for your life always rests with you, and other people and situations are a reflection of your inner decision to experience certain lessons.
I recommend for a slow and thoughtful reading of the book by Liz Burbo "5 traumas that prevent you from being yourself." This book is a good intellectual guide when it comes time to understand our childhood grievances and traumas that affect our adult life to this day.
But in order to do something with old children's psychological traumas and resentments in practice, you need the help of a specialist. Come, I can work with it practically. And the result is. Tel. 79-28-12 or 8-909-124-96-88, Nadezhda Yurievna Yasinskaya.
Liz Burbo, as a result of her many years of practice, has identified 5 psychological traumas that prevent us from living. These traumas are very deeply and firmly hidden in our Soul, and in life we put on “masks” in order not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, even ourselves.
5 traumas that interfere with life:
1. Trauma - rejected
“The person who received this injury does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who nevertheless came into the world, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same sex from the moment of birth to one year. Such a person has been wearing the “Runaway” mask since childhood, he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, as the body reacts to a subconscious desire. In the eyes of a fugitive, you will always see fear, he is very unsure of himself, he feels awkward in large companies, he is always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another characteristic feature of the fugitive is the desire for perfection in everything, if he does something, then he does it perfectly or does not start doing it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that he has something to love for. People suffering from the trauma of the rejected often have skin problems, since it is she who is the contact organ with the outside world, problematic skin seems to repel the outside world from itself and says with all its appearance: "Don't touch me." Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from rejection trauma, they reject food that has not had time to be digested. For the same reason, they often vomit. Some fugitives escape from reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing nagging pain.
2. Trauma - abandoned
“The person who carries this trauma in himself received it because of the parent of the opposite sex, as he did not pay due attention to him, did not show care and love. That is why a person suffering from the trauma of an abandoned person experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to “cling” to another person in order to satisfy this hunger. The mask used by the abandoned is "Dependent". He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he just needs words of approval and advice, which, by the way, he does not follow later. For him, the main thing is to have a person nearby who you can rely on, since he is not confident in his abilities. The physique of the addict corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside, it seems that the muscular system will not hold his body and a person, in order not to fall, just needs to lean on someone. This is what happens in life. Experiencing emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on him. At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, tends to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making an elephant out of a fly” is about her. More than anything, the addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from the trauma of the abandoned often has a childish timbre of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and hardly accepts rejection, because at the same time he feels abandoned again. The most common illnesses associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines, and depression.”
3. Trauma - humiliated
“A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, censure from a very early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated is manifested if the child hears all this from the mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother blames the child, forcing him to feel guilt, shame, then he, in turn, perceives this as a humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers. Such a child in the future puts on the mask of the "Masochist". This means that a person will look for problems, humiliations and various situations in which he can suffer all his life. From childhood he experienced humiliation, did not hear a kind word, therefore he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself. Since he is used to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in size. A masochist occupies a lot of space not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, suggest and point out. Such a person seems to be kind, as he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact his behavior is motivated by fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and finally praised! The masochist is usually hypersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and hurts other people. A person with a trauma of the humiliated often suffers from back diseases, as he takes on his shoulders an unbearable burden - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, the thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and declare his own. requirements."
4. Trauma - betrayal
“This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else, and not him, or when he abuses the child's trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, puts on the “Controlling” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted. Such a person is confident in his abilities, he likes to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as he is of himself and is often frustrated that they cannot be trusted with anything and that he has to do everything himself. In his actions, the controller loves speed, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and foresee everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and does as he sees fit, but requires others to strictly follow his recommendations. People who carry the trauma of betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, diseases of the joints and diseases whose name ends in -it.
5. Trauma is an injustice
“A child gets this trauma mostly with a same-sex parent between the ages of three and five. Protective mask - "Rigidity". Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others and vice versa - what others do to him may seem unfair only to him, as he suffers from this trauma. The physique of a rigid one is perfect and proportional, because this is fair ... Such a person is very hardworking, he has always been appreciated for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he can act unfairly towards others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, the rigid often refuses the blessings of life if he considers it unfair to others and envies others if he considers that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, loss of vision and insomnia.
The first step to healing 5 traumas that interfere with life is their awareness, acceptance, and then work with them.
Find and read this and, perhaps, other books by Liz Burbo - they will tell you a lot about yourself. And this is important knowledge.
"Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself" - Liz Burbo
author Liz Burbo - "5 injuries that prevent you from being yourself" that's just this book illustrates clearly how our body and our thoughts are interconnected! Each psychological trauma leaves its mark, and only by understanding the cause, you can get rid of this trauma, and one day you will be surprised how you, your body, and the World around you have changed! All this only if you work on yourself! :))) The book will help you to love yourself))) and you can read about it in this book!
Many, probably, have come across the fact that consciously desiring one thing, and seemingly doing everything that depends on us for this, we get a result that is often far from, and sometimes the opposite of, what is desired. And why this happens, we do not understand. And the reason for this is often attitudes rooted in unpleasant, painful and repressed into the subconscious experience, and the conclusions from it.
It is known that we all come from childhood. It was then that we received both the experience that ensures our current success, and the one that creates the problems and failures of today.
I would like to invite you to familiarize yourself with a small selection from Liz Burbo's book "Five traumas that prevent us from being ourselves." Here are brief descriptions of these traumas so that you can determine what kind of negative experiences you had in childhood, and what kind of masks you currently wear or wear occasionally to protect against repetition.
This book is also useful for understanding what problems in the future we can provide for our own children, passing on to them the traumas that we inherited from our parents.
As a rule, most people have several injuries, however, the level of pain from them is not the same. If there are doubts about which injury is dominant, you should pay attention to the structural features of the body. It is for this purpose that fragments with a detailed description of the physique are given.
Some suggestions for healing these injuries are given at the end of the book.
Characteristics of injury
Trauma Characteristics of the REJECTED
Awakening trauma: from the moment of conception to one year; with a parent of the same gender. Does not feel the right to exist.
Mask: fugitive.
Parent: same gender.
Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.
Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; impression of a mask around the eyes.
Vocabulary: "nothing" "no one" "exists" "disappear" "I'm sick of...".
Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intelligence. Transitions through stages of great love to periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist. Sexual difficulties. He considers himself useless, worthless. Strives for privacy. Stewed. Knows how to be invisible. Finds a variety of ways to escape. It is easy to go to the astral plane. He thinks he is not understood. Can't let her inner child live in peace.
Most afraid of: panic.
Nutrition: Appetite often disappears due to the influx of emotions or fear. Eats small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as escape routes. predisposition to anorexia.
Typical diseases: Skin. Diarrhea. Arrhythmia. Respiratory dysfunction. Allergies. Vomit. Fainting. Noma. Hypoglycemia. Diabetes. Depression. Suicidal tendencies. Psychoses.
This mask manifests itself physically in the form of an elusive physique, that is, a body (or body part) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, compressed, it seems to be specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, take up less space, not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes the form of running away, escaping, and all its life it strives to take up as little space as possible. When one sees a person who looks like an incorporeal ghost - "skin and bones" - one can expect with a high degree of certainty that he is suffering from a deep trauma of a rejected being.
A fugitive is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that it is not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an unfinished, incomplete, consisting of fragments poorly fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, may differ markedly from the right, and this can be seen with the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?
When I talk about an "incomplete" body, I mean those parts of the body where whole pieces seem to be missing (buttocks, chest, chin, ankles are much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ).
Seeing how such a person holds himself (shoulders are shifted forward, hands are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body is twisted. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body differ from others in age; and some people even look like adults in a child's body.
A deformed body that evokes pity speaks eloquently of the fact that this person carries within himself the trauma of the rejected. Before being born, his soul chose this body of its own to place itself in a situation conducive to overcoming this trauma.
A characteristic feature of the fugitive is a small face and eyes. The eyes appear empty or absent, because a person with such an injury tends to go into his world or "fly to the moon" (astral) at any opportunity. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching the face of a fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on him, especially in front of his eyes
Characteristics of the injury of the ABANDONED
Trauma Awakening: Between one and three years of age, with a parent of the opposite sex. Lack of emotional nourishment or certain type of nourishment.
Mask: Addict.
Body: Elongated, thin, devoid of tone, sagging; the legs are weak, the back is twisted, the arms seem excessively long and hang down along the body, certain parts of the body look flabby, sagging.
Eyes: Large, sad. Attractive look.
Dictionary: "absent". "one" . "I can't stand it". "eat". "do not leave."
Personality: Victim. Tends to merge with someone or something. Needs presence, attention, support, reinforcement. Experiencing difficulties when you have to do something or decide alone. Asks for advice, but does not always follow it. Children's voice, painfully perceives failures. Sadness. Cries easily. Causes pity. Either happy or sad. Physically clings to others. Nervous. Stage star. Strives for independence. Loves sex.
Most afraid of: Loneliness.
Nutrition: Good appetite. Bulimia. Likes soft food. Eats slowly.
Typical diseases: Back pain. asthma. bronchitis. migraine. hypoglycemia. agoraphobia. diabetes. adrenal disease. myopia. hysteria. depression. rare diseases (requiring long-term attention). incurable diseases.
The mask of the addict is characterized by a lack of tone in the body. A long, thin, sagging body indicates a severe injury to the abandoned. The muscular system is underdeveloped; from the side it seems that she cannot keep the body upright, that the person needs help. The body always outwardly exactly expresses what is happening inside. The addict is sure that he is not capable of achieving anything on his own, that he absolutely needs someone's support. And his whole body expresses this need for support. In the addict, it is easy to see a child who wants to help.
The trauma of the abandoned is also betrayed by large sad eyes; they seem to be trying to get our attention. Weak legs and long arms dangling along the body give the impression of helplessness. A person does not seem to know what to do with his hands, especially when they look at him. Another feature of the addict's mask is the location of some parts of the body below normal. Sometimes the back is bent, as if the spine were unable to keep it straight. Other parts of the body also look hanging, flabby - shoulders, breasts, buttocks, cheeks, abdomen, scrotum in men, etc.
You must also learn to distinguish well between the masks of the fugitive and the addict. Look, somewhere in your environment there are two little people - a fugitive and an addict. Both can have thin wrists and ankles. The main difference is in tone. The fugitive, for all his small stature and frailty, is distinguished by good posture; the dependent looks weak, flabby, exhausted. The fugitive gives the impression that his skin is tightly stretched over his bones, but the muscular system, even if it is not developed, works reliably; the addict has more flesh, but it lacks tone.
Characteristics of the trauma of the humiliated
Trauma Awakening: Between one and three years of age, with a parent involved in the physical development of the child (usually the mother). Lack of freedom. Feelings of humiliation due to being controlled by that parent.
Mask: Masochist.
Body: Thick, rounded, low stature, thick dense neck, tension in the throat, neck, jaws and pelvis. The face is round and open.
Dictionary: "worthy" . "unworthy". "small" . "thick".
Personality: Often ashamed of himself or others, or afraid of being embarrassed. Dislikes fast walking. Knows his needs, but does not listen to them. He takes a lot on his shoulders. Uses control to avoid shame. He considers himself untidy, heartless, a pig, worse than others. tend to merge. He arranges himself so as not to be free, because "to be free" for him means "to be unrestrained." When he is unrestrained, he is afraid to cross the line of what is permitted. Loves the role of mother. Overly sensitive. Punishes himself, believing that he is punishing someone else. Strives, wants to be worthy. Often disgusted. Increased sensuality is combined with shame in sexual behavior. Does not take into account their sexual needs. Plays with food.
Most afraid of: Freedom.
Nutrition: Likes hearty, fatty foods, chocolate. Gluttonous or, conversely, eats in small portions. Ashamed to buy for himself and use "goodies".
Typical diseases: Back pain. shoulders, throat. sore throats. laryngitis. respiratory diseases. legs. feet. varicose veins. ligament sprains. fractures. liver dysfunction. thyroid gland. skin itching. hypoglycemia. diabetes. heart diseases.
Let us now turn to the physical description of the mask of the masochist. Since he considers himself low, lower than others, unscrupulous, soulless, a pig, he grows a large, fat body, which he himself is ashamed of. A fat body is not a muscular body. You can weigh twenty kilograms more than your "normal" weight and not be fat; rather, you can say about such a person that he is strong, strong. The masochist is fat due to excess fat. Its barrel-shaped body is almost the same in thickness, both in profile and in front. Another thing is a strong, muscular person: even from the back, his broad shoulders are striking - much wider than the entire torso in profile; you can’t say about this body that it is fat or fat. This applies equally to both men and women.
If only some parts of the body look thick, rounded - for example, the stomach, chest or buttocks - then this indicates a less severe trauma of humiliation. The following features also correspond to the mask of a masochist: a short waist, a thick, swollen neck, tension in the larynx, neck, jaws and pelvis. The face is usually round, the eyes are wide open and innocent, like those of a child. It is clear that the presence of all these characteristic physical signs indicates a very deep injury.
I know from experience that the trauma of the humiliated is usually harder to recognize and acknowledge than any other. I have personally worked with hundreds of masochists, especially women whose humiliation trauma was obvious. It took many of them about a year to come to terms with the fact that they were ashamed or humiliated. If you find in yourself the physical, bodily signs of a masochist, but cannot find the trauma of the humiliated, do not be surprised and give yourself time to figure it out. By the way, one of the characteristic features of a masochist is a dislike for speed, haste. It is really difficult for him to act quickly when the need arises; he becomes ashamed when he cannot act as quickly as others, such as walking. He needs to learn to give himself the right to his usual speed.
In addition, it is quite difficult for many people to recognize the mask of a masochist, since they have learned to control their weight. If you are the type of person who easily gains weight and rounds off as soon as they loosen their eating control, then it is possible that you have a humiliated trauma, but at the moment it is hidden. Rigidity, a rigidity that allows you to control yourself, will be dealt with in the sixth chapter of this book.
Characteristics of the Trauma of TREASON
Awakening trauma: Between two and four years of age, with a parent of the opposite sex. The collapse of trust or unfulfilled expectations in the love-sexual sphere. Manipulation.
Mask: Controlling.
Body: Radiates strength and power. The man's shoulders are wider than his hips. A woman's hips are wider and stronger than her shoulders. Chest wheel. Belly too.
Eyes: Staring, seductive. Eyes that everyone sees at a glance.
Dictionary: "separate(s)" . "you understand?" . "I can" . "I can handle myself." "I knew it." "trust me" . "I don't trust him."
Personality: Considers himself very responsible and strong. Strives to be special and important. Does not keep his promises and commitments or makes an effort on himself to keep them. Lies easily. Manipulator. Seducer. Has a lot of expectations. The mood is uneven. He is convinced that he is right, and seeks to convince others. Impatient. Intolerant. Understands and acts quickly. A good performer because he wants to be recognized. Circus. Hard to trust. Doesn't show vulnerability. Skeptic. Afraid to violate or withdraw from an obligation.
Most afraid of: Separation; divorce; renunciations.
Nutrition: Good appetite. Eats fast. Adds salt and spices. May not eat for a long time while busy, but then loses control in eating.
Typical diseases: Diseases of control and loss of control. agoraphobia. spasmophilia. digestive system disorders. diseases whose name ends in -it. oral herpes.
The controller creates a body for himself, which radiates strength, power and as if says: "I am responsible for everything, you can trust me." A controlling man can be recognized by his beautiful, wide - wider than the hips - shoulders. Sometimes the difference in the width of the shoulders and hips is insignificant, but, as I said in one of the previous chapters, you must trust your intuition. If the first time you look at a person you just feel the power emanating from the upper part of his body, this is a sign that betrayal does not cause him too much suffering. But if a man has broad beautiful shoulders, large biceps, a puffy chest and wears a tight T-shirt that emphasizes his muscles, then he has a very serious injury of betrayal.
In a controlling woman, this power is concentrated in the hips, buttocks and abdomen. The shape of the hips of the "jodhpurs" type indicates the trauma of betrayal in a woman. The lower part of the body in women is usually wider, more voluminous than the shoulders. If the body resembles a pear in shape, then the more pronounced the thickened part of the pear, the more serious the trauma of betrayal.
Sometimes, however, the opposite picture is observed: a man's hips and buttocks are wider than his shoulders, and a woman has a male body - broad shoulders, narrow hips and pelvis. As a result of numerous observations and tests, I came to the conclusion that their traumas of betrayal were experienced with a parent of the same sex, and not the opposite. Their Oedipus complex did not develop in the usual way with a parent of the opposite sex; they were too attached to the same-sex parent and barely knew the other parent. On the other hand, I must say that such cases are quite rare. That is why I am talking in this chapter about those whose betrayal trauma is experienced with a parent of the opposite sex. If you see that you have the opposite case, then you only need to change the gender of the parent when analyzing the trauma.